What is better?

is it better to know or not to know?
is it better to act or not to act?
is it better to talk or not to talk?
is it better to sleep or not to sleep?
is better to be careful or adventurous?
is it better to give or is it better to receive?
is it better to live or is it better to die?
is it better to teach or is it better to learn?
is it better to breath or is it better to be breathless?
is it better to be weak or is it better to be strong?
is it better to be angry or is it better not to care?
is it better to labor or is it better to rest?
is it better to accept or is it better to protest?
is it better to fight or is it better to make peace?
is it better to be beautiful or is it better to be plain?
is it better to lead or is it better to follow?
is it better to bless or is it better to be blessed?
is it better to love or is it better to be loved?
is it better to be better or is it better to be worse?
is it better to sing or is it better to be silent?
is it better to mourn or is it better to rejoice?
is it better to open your eyes or to close them?
is it better to remember or forget?
is it better to ask or is it better to answer?
is it better to be alone or is it better to be together?

Every second we make a new decision how to answer
these questions,

What is better will always remain a mystery to me...

for someone who really likes to know i can only truly know this.
that I must keep my eyes on God, even though He is full of mystery,
because there is nothing that is hidden from Him, and nothing more majestic.

Psa 90:2  Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God. 
.

The Drunk Philosophy Of a Sober Mind

there is no such thing as meaningful objective truth,
 we validate truth with our experience and
 all of experience is subjective, therefore
question of what is true can only be
answered subjectively, if we look to facts
 and measurements devoid of any experience
 for truth, we may find something but if
is devoid of experience then it is
meaningless.   So what is true how do we
 decide what is true if we can not rely
on being objective? the answer is to
reject the objective. fully embrace
the subjective.  What is the subjective?
It is our experience.  This is a
question for you? Have you Experienced
God? That is the question only you
can answer.  If you did then He is
real if you did not then he is not.
Weather God exists or not objectivly
doesn't matter if You have not
experienced him.  However, our
issue as human beings is to try to
break down all our experiences into
objective facts when really we can not.
we must make a desicion.  What is it
that we are experiencing.  What is
sadness.  Sadness is something real.
Sadness is an experience of a loss,
a missing piece. it is not the missing
piece, it is not the loss, the loss is
meaningless without the experience of
sadness.  It is the same with God
people with faith give credit to
God and it has great meaning. yet one
objectify it and say it is not God it was
weather and a series of measurable events
that happen regardless of experience.
That is like saying you are not sad
everyone you know just died, and it
happens to everyone eventually and
it will happen to you as well.  God
can only be experienced subjectively
if he could be experienced objectively
he would be meaningless, because there
is no experience, to us and therefore we
can not relate to it and therefore we do
not need it.  Love is another illustration
of the impossible connection of the
subjective and the objective.
What does it mean to be
loved. you can never prove your are
loved with objective facts, hugs
can not prove love, gifts can
not prove love, spending time
does not prove love, being loved is
an experience that is experience by
the individual,  the question do you
love me, is the wrong question, the
objective facts mean nothing, one does
not say lets see, I hug you 2 times a
day, I think about you , 4 times an
hour, that is not love.  A robot can
do those things and experience nothing
there is no meaning.   There is a vulnerability
to love, because experience is so meaningful
it can backfire on us.
We can experience love and yet, later
find out that while it was love we
allowed ourselves to experience, it was not
love that was given. what was it that we
experienced, I tell you it was love
that we experienced, be cause we
experienced it, truth is subjective
which makes it very meaningful but
also its risky and can also mislead us
and hurt us. The more objective
truth becomes the more meaningless it
becomes and therefore it is harmless,
because it is devoid of experience.
If you have a meaningfull live you
are living an experiential life, you
are living a life full of faith, the substance
of things hoped for the evidence of things
unseen.  This is the true place for a
meaningful life.  Faith is a type of subjective
risk.  THere can be a type of
objective calculated risk, we use the
calculated risk to devoid ourselves of
meaningful experience.  If we catch the
short end of the stick we take away all
meaning and say we knew the risk.

This
is my struggle, everything is meaningless
when we objectify it, yet it seems to
make things so sure, and we can know
something objective, and yet we cant
enjoy it ever, because it is outside
of us.    In order to reject it we must
either be drunk or we must have
faith,  and by faith I mean rejecting
the objective and embracing the subjective,
i mean taking a risk, risking experiencing
something that is truly meaningful
Because only when we make the desicion
to lower the safty net of objectivity and
embrace the life of Faith will our lives be
truly meaningful.  Faith is not a belief in an
objective fact that we can not prove, faith
is embracing meaning and experience and
existence,  the quest for  objective truth leaves
one chasing for meaning in a place outside of
experience, and therefore can never be
satisfied.  What a blessing even the
smallest amount of faith is, to a mind trapped
in the prison of objectivity.

Fair?

Growing up... a phrase that has been bombarding my ears, and coming out of my lips has been "thats not fair".   We all have a desire for life to be fair.   Fair is good. We are always happy with fair.  Or at least we tell ourselves that we wouldn't complain if things were only fair.   Many take comfort in the fact that God is a just and a fair God.   However truthfully,  there should be nothing scarier than an all knowing God who is a fair judge,  He who does not let a single crime go unpunished, he who hears every widows and orphans cry.  We foolishly look at our lives and say God look at my life... my life isn't fair.   At the end of the day when we are Judged there will be nothing more to be feared but a fair judgement.   God in his infinite wisdom and love and fairness, demanded justice for our sins.  He doesn't judge unfairly... but even the best of us have no defense...  there is no defense we can put up to God because he is a fair judge.  He does not accept our excuses and weak arguments...  there is nothing to be feared more than a fair and just God.  But there is more.   Being fair is only one of Gods many qualities.  God is love.  We should love God greatly because he Loved us so much that he sent Jesus Christ to come and bear the burden of all of our punishments that we deserved.  We sinned and God demanded Justice.  God demands every debt of sin that is owed to be paid. And it was paid with  the blood of Jesus Christ.  This is Grace.  Grace is given to us by God, and it is what saves us from Justice.  Next time life isn't fair,  thank God for his grace.  Let us Thank God.  Let us thank Him, that we have escaped a fair judges condemnation because of our Savior Jesus Christ.  So lets stop complaining about life not being fair... about high taxes... about our lack of money... and all our selfish desires we have wasted so much time doing this...  We are guilty, it is through grace we are declared innocent.   So let us now go and serve the one who is full of Grace... this Fair and Loving God. 

The dichotomy of Pride and Shame

           As human beings we are prideful.  We all want to be self sufficient.  Isn't it annoying when someone who you think you are smarter than, tries to give you advice?  In fact most of us are annoyed and offended when there is any question and judgment on our beliefs, and our actions.  If we are less educated we call people who are smarter than us the out of touch intellectual elite, if we are the intellectual, we keep our pride by thinking... we understand the world better than others.   It is a painful experience when our pride is attacked.  People will argue a point to the death and not listen to reason, because pride will not let them be wrong.
         I am by nature a prideful person.  If I am not careful I often can get caught up in my own reasoning.  I have a tendency to defend my every action.  If I am questioned I tend to go into my lawyer mode.   I have a defense and I turn the tables on whoever is questioning me and prove or defend my belief or my actions.   In doing so I cause collateral damage first to the people I am interacting with and second I am feeding my pride.   Now God has been revealing my pride to me especially over the past 5 years.   I am much more aware of pride and the need for humility.   I have a problem though.  It is hard to be humble.   I believe that God has given me the gift of wisdom, It is a gift to be able to hear clearly from God, but sometimes I become inpatient and I do something stupid, I react in a way that is hurtful and inconsiderate of others and displeasing to God.  I feel shame, the great Joseph who is full of wisdom must save face. (there is supposed to sarcasm read into the great Joseph)   My pride makes it very hard for me to admit shame.   It is impossible to listen to God when we have a prideful heart and are hiding shame.
           A couple days ago as I meditated on God and my Pride, I took note that much of the conflict that I have seen among myself and others, and others with others, there was usually one of more prideful participants, unwilling to give an inch.  Either we give in and harbor resentment or, we hold fast to our guns till we have broken the other person.   I realized there is a close relationship between pride and shame.  They at first seem like two opposite ideas... but I noticed that wherever there is pride there is also shame.  There is no separation of the two.   Pride involves elevating ourselves above others and God.   Shame happens when we fail.  When we elevate ourselves above God an others it gets it into our head that we can do things on our own.  And we will always fail.  I thought it was interesting that the next day which was a Sunday the teacher talked about how it was necessary for Christians to have magnanimity.   He defined that word with two words.  Humility and Nobility.   That really struck me because just the day before I had been thinking about the dichotomy of pride and shame,  and there is another converse dichotomy of humility and nobility.   Jesus was humble and noble... He humbly washed his disciples feet, and he nobly saved the whole world by sacrificing himself.    Let us give our pride and shame up to the cross, and accept the life of humility and nobility.    

New Job

God has always been faithful to me, and yet I often find myself trying to diversify my metaphorical "life portfolio".  I put my trust in God, or at least I say I do... but then I tend to have a plan 'B' and stress out, and have a lot of physical anxiety,  just in case God decides to leave me in the cold.

    As I have mentioned in a previous post, God has been showing me that I need to change my view of what it means to be successful.  I need to stop looking at the end result only.  I need to focus on being obedient to God every moment and how it turns out is not up to me.   God has also been showing me that this is how His provision works as well.  For 9 months I have been praying for a Job.  I felt very strongly that God wanted me to go to college.   I concluded that a job follows college, and that I was going to get a Job next.   However I did not get a job right away.  I applied and applied and only one person responded to my application.  In the meantime I was living with my parents, I had no friends close by, all I had was my family and my room.  I kept thinking God will provide for me eventually.  I will trust him and as soon as I get a job that will be His provision.  I had some money saved up from working during college but around September I decided to work for a temp agency to earn some money in the meantime.  I was also applying to be an Officer in the Army in case I did not get a job.  I worked for a Factory through the temp agency for about a month,  but due to me taking time off for my Army physical and fitness test I was let go.  In November I had to start paying back my loans.  I no longer had a job, all I had was the money I had saved which, was about 4 months worth of loan payments.  I was pretty stressed out about it.  I really did not want to start lifting boxes for the temp agency again, my back was hurting, I was bored, and kept looking to God for his provision.  At the end of January the Army called and told me I was denied the Officer position.  I only had enough money for one more loan payment, February.   Pretty much I needed a job, whether it was working for Mcdonalds, lifting boxes somewhere or an engineering position.  starting at the end of January within a two week period, three different companies contacted me for an interview.  I interviewed with two of them.  The second company which was located less than 2 miles from my house hired me 2 days after my interview.  It was perfect timing.    I thanked God so much for His provision, and thanked Him for finally providing for me.  Then He showed me, that I was wrong in looking at it that way.  He told me He was providing for me the entire 9 months I was applying for a Job.  There was not a SINGLE second during those 9 months that He forgot about me.   And the fact that I have this new job is not going to stop Him from continuing to provide for me.  The job I received from God is not the end result of my prayer for Gods provision.  It is only a continuation of His provision.   

Our soul waits for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield.
For our heart is glad in him,
because we trust in his holy name.
Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us,
even as we hope in you

That is the end of psalm 33

Our hope is in the Lord, not our Jobs

Our hope is in an amazing wonderful always faithful God

Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever.

                                                                Psa 136:1-26 (ESV)     


  Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever.   Give thanks to the God of gods, for his steadfast love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords, for his steadfast love endures forever; to him who alone does great wonders, for his steadfast love endures forever;  to him who by understanding made the heavens, for his steadfast love endures forever;  to him who spread out the earth above the waters, for his steadfast love endures forever;  to him who made the great lights, for his steadfast love endures forever;  the sun to rule over the day, for his steadfast love endures forever;  the moon and stars to rule over the night, for his steadfast love endures forever;  to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt, for his steadfast love endures forever;   and brought Israel out from among them, for his steadfast love endures forever; with a strong hand and an outstretched arm, for his steadfast love endures forever; to him who divided the Red Sea in two, for his steadfast love endures forever;  and made Israel pass through the midst of it, for his steadfast love endures forever; but overthrew Pharaoh and his host in the Red Sea, for his steadfast love endures forever; to him who led his people through the wilderness, for his steadfast love endures forever; to him who struck down great kings, for his steadfast love endures forever;  and killed mighty kings, for his steadfast love endures forever; Sihon, king of the Amorites, for his steadfast love endures forever; and Og, king of Bashan, for his steadfast love endures forever; and gave their land as a heritage, for his steadfast love endures forever;  a heritage to Israel his servant, for his steadfast love endures forever. It is he who remembered us in our low estate, for his steadfast love endures forever;  and rescued us from our foes, for his steadfast love endures forever;  he who gives food to all flesh, for his steadfast love endures forever.  Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever. 


Let us stop whatever we are doing... 
      Let us surrender our broken prideful hearts to Jesus and
              Respond... 
                   to the Greatest most Enduring 
                          STEADFAST  Love
                                            there is...

Failure

      What is failure?  Many times we judge our successes and failures by looking at the end results.  By how much respect we have earned... how much many we made, how many people converted, how big is the church,etc. .   Having this view  as a Christian makes it much harder do operate by faith.  I believe that the important thing is to be obedient to God.  We are not to judge if it fails or succeeds.   Take a look at many of the prophets in the old testament.  There jobs was to make Gods will known to the nations of Israel and Judah...  They had to talk to kings and try to make them listen to what God had to say and tell them what God was going to do.  Many times the Prophets words were unheeded and judgment was administered to Israel.   They weren't "successful" as far as the end results go.   I believe that we need to operate with humility and try our best to be obedient to God and not to weigh the probability of success of the end results.  Jesus's victory came through a death and resurrection on a cross.  What initially seemed crazy and seemed like the worlds greatest failure, became the worlds greatest success.  So go out in faith being obedient to God.  Pray for wisdom.  There is no fear in the kingdom of God.