I have been slow in writing this post... it probably doesn't say all that it should and probably says things it shouldn't... and it may not make any sense but I feel I need to share what God has been showing me in as many ways as I can... And writing it out helps me with it
I have been a Christian for a long time and about a year and a half ago I guess I kinda got stuck in a rut... This is my testimony mixed with encouragement...
I was a Christian who had to finish my homework before I took time to pray and read my bible
I was convinced that it is good to have a good job that and to put the preparation of it before anything else...
I was a Christian who would rather fellowship by watching violent and sex filled movies than pray with one another
I was someone who was dependent on others yet cared more about myself...
I was so hurt from broken relationships but had no one to talk to...
I needed someone to pray for me and was surrounded by Christians yet there there was no one to pray for me
I was starving for a meaningful relationships with others and to being a part of something yet I was left out and was part of nothing
I was so self centered that all I thought about was my self
I was are so insecure and they are searching for something solid in the community but there is nothing there.
I blamed others for my depresion
At the end of the day I would pray to God and ask Him A"Dear God heal these broken relationships... please help me be friends with my friends again, bring my family together"
God will usually answer me by telling me to"Do Something About It" and yet I say to myself... I am too broken hurt and insecure to do anything about it. Then i would fall asleep and repeat.
My spiritual life was a rollercoaster God was defiantly speaking to me throughout the past year and a half during this time of Sadness and I got little snippets of Joy and Hope but I would always get discouraged... because God would always say "Do something about it." I would try to argue with God that I couldn't because IT wasn't my fault... and I was too weary
THEN GOD TRANSFORMED ME
Basically I was a Christian Vegetable... I was akin to a brain dead person... ONE DAY IT WAS SO AMAZING... I was praying and asking God to meet with me and God suddenly met me where I was... I felt like Moses at the burning bush... I felt so unworthy to be in Gods presence... I can't explain it but God was there filling me and Just telling me how much he loved me... I am the kind of person who never cries... the only time I cry is when I speak of things that are very painful to talk about out loud to someone else usually then its more of a rasp in my voice and my throat feels hot... I never cry when I am alone... but here I did...i didn't understand any thing too much... God basically showed me everything that he had been trying to tell me the past year and how I didn't let Him... I suddenly was able to see people the way God saw them and instead of being Hurt and bitter toward them I suddenly loved them so much. God reminded me of a sermon that I heard like 8 years ago when I was a kid... I remembered the words "Look Past The Fault and Find The Need". God has an infinite capacity to love us and it allows us to love others so abundantly. God said that he loved us so much that he gave his Son so that he could relate to us this way... and that we can understand that love because he gave his only son to die for us while we were still rejecting Him... I just felt Gods love so deeply it brought tears to my eyes. Then God started opening my eyes towards the others in my community and I saw so much hurt and insecurity and bitterness... the same I had felt... I felt a sadness again ... but it was a different kind... I prayed to God and asked "please God be with this community... heal us be with us... move in us."
God answered and said "I am going to use you... you were not listening..." Again my eyes started to water... and my heart sank... but Again God wrapped me in His arms and said... "Do something about it." So now here I am
I am a very laid back person... I am very good at going with the flow... and usually if there is no flow then I don't go. I perceived being laid back as a strength ... while I think It has its qualities... I was so laid back that I stopped being passionate... I became satisfied with where I was at spiritually and with school and with my my family and with my friends. God is now telling me to be to not be passive in my relationships with others and him but be intentional. I want to encourage everyone to be intentional with our relationships... let us ask one another how we are doing spiritually... let us pray for one another... let us not let ourselves get trapped in self pity and selfishness, but let us let God come to us and fill us with his love... I guarantee that If you ask God to show him self to you... HE WILL....
Lets Be willing then to follow up and be obedient to God and get off our rear ends and be Intentional and not wait for all the bad consequences of our passivity.
Heb 10:23 Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
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