just what has been going through my head.. there really isn't a topic...

I have been young for all of my life. I have always been looking ahead. Everything my parents have done, was to prepare me for being an adult. Even though when I began college, I knew I was growing up and and was maturing a lot, I still thought I was preparing for the future. I pictured myself developing in a cocoon. I thought life starts after I leave the cocoon.
While I wrestled with the idea of identity, and what it meant to have an identity with Christ, and God really changed my heart and taught me many things... for some reason I felt as though I had to figure everything out by the time I graduated... because that is when life starts. (or so i wrongly thought)
I have been graduated for 7 months now... and pretty much have done nothing but sit in my room, watch TV shows, listen to music, apply to jobs,read, and think. I visited my friends a couple times and talk to them online or on the phone a little bit... but I missed them greatly. I am constantly wishing that I was in Chicago. My dream was to find a job in Chicago and live there with the rest of my friends and hang out with them and live happily ever after till I died.
I know that I am in a transition phase in my life... I'm done with school. I don't have a job... I am living at home with nothing to do. It is a hard place to be for me. I feel like i'm still in the cocoon except i'm just hanging out in there. All cramped up... and I feel like i'm starting to dry out. I constantly look to the past... I would sometimes look through all the Facebook pictures of me with my friends. If I am not looking to the past I am looking to the future. There are all these "dreams" or goals, that I wish to happen and I long for the day that they come true. All the while just feeling a little bit not content where I am. I was not depressed... I will be honest I have been depressed before...
I just was not putting any effort into being grateful for where I was... and currently am. I am living with my parents... who are Christian, I have food, I have lots of brothers and sisters who aren't perfect but they are still super awesome and a huge blessing from God... I have internet and a Phone that allows me to talk to all my friends. I have been discontent for so long... because I was not noticing what God has been blessing me with all this time. I have taken my brothers and sisters and parents and so much more for granted. Sometimes I am frustrated by my parents... but I have long overlooked what a blessing they have been to me my entire life. God has really been showing me this summer that life started for me when I was born.
While it is good to learn from the past and perhaps have a plan for the future... don't let that stop you from seeing the blessings that God is blessing you with now. I still think in terms of mostly the future... like life will start when I get a job... then it will be when I will get married... then it will be when I have a kid... then it will be when that kid grows up... I am realizing that Gods plan for me started when I was a baby... and continues even in this awkward part of my life where as far as I can tell this part of my life fits into my life plan like a bunch of dead leaves on green lawn. I am thankful that I am still happy... I still miss my friends though... and still with I had a Job... but I am gonna be content now... and I will be content with whatever happens next... here is my favorite hymn just for the heck of it... its been stuck it my head for awhile... one of the songs that i enjoy being stuck in my head...

Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee;
let the water and the blood,
from thy wounded side which flowed,
be of sin the double cure;
save from wrath and make me pure.

Not the labors of my hands
can fulfill thy law's commands;
could my zeal no respite know,
could my tears forever flow,
all for sin could not atone;
thou must save, and thou alone.

Nothing in my hand I bring,
simply to the cross I cling;
naked, come to thee for dress;
helpless, look to thee for grace;
foul, I to the fountain fly;
wash me, Savior, or I die.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
when mine eyes shall close in death,
when I soar to worlds unknown,
see thee on thy judgment throne,
Rock of Ages, cleft for me,
let me hide myself in thee.

got the lyrics from this site http://www.hymnsite.com/lyrics/umh361.sht

Peace and grace be with you!!!!